One of my friends told me a story about a blog she followed that has stuck with me. The writer was consistently positive in her posts but it turned out that all the while she was suffering from depression.
I get it. Sometimes we need to put on some make up and hide our knotted hair beneath a cute hat. But why is it we struggle to show our messy side? Why do we have to disguise ourselves and process our feelings alone?
My answer: we are confused about our own feelings (hey, feelings are confusing!) and probably scared of being judged. We want to be consistent. We don’t want to cry wolf. What if we feel better tomorrow? We don’t want to cause any drama. We want to be strong.
We expect a lot of ourselves.
Today, I come to you a mess. Not a crazy mess, but a mess none-the-less. I’m on a roller coaster. It’s not the drop of doom or anything but there are certainly some ups and downs. But this time I have forgotten my make up and my hat and I’m “A” OK with that.
There are a few reasons for this lull that I can pinpoint:
– There’s the no sleep thing (I live in baby land).
– We are working on buying a house which is, to say the very least, stressful.
– I started missing yoga classes (missing yoga is always a bad sign in my world).
Right now I’m a week away from my yoga teacher training. I’m nervous about leaving my little baby boy during the day and I’m nervous about forgetting everything I learned last summer in module one. But, I’m also excited about not having morning sickness this time around and I’m salivating with anticipation thinking about what I might learn. Hey, most of us yoga students know that in-depth practice gives us time to work on ourselves. See – it’s not all bad.
But before I turn this into sunshine and roses I want to clarify, this blog post isn’t about answers. It’s not about fixing me. It’s so we all know that sometimes this happens. And, that’s ok. It’s ok to not be on top of the world all the time. Sometimes we have to ride our roller coasters of emotion to a place that makes more sense – a place that allows us settle into our own skin again.
image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net